Life has a brilliant way of pointing out your greatest blessings when you need to see them the most. My last week here in the states has been one long example of just that-realizing what an incredible support system I have around me. The first example occurred with the celebration of my 21st birthday this past Monday on a day full of thoughtful phone calls, beers, burgers, and best friends. The bear hug goodbyes to dear friends on my special day were the first sign that I am surrounded by people who love and care about me. Tuesday followed with goodbyes to the wonderful people I work for on campus, and I was shown once again that I have a cheer squad here at home wishing me well and encouraging me in all that I choose to do. The middle of the week consisted of a busy shuffle moving from my apartment back home; those days were where I said goodbye to roommates one final time and hello to my family for an enjoyable last few days in their company.
Aside from the fun I’ve had at home thumbing through my new travel guide books, my final and most daunting task before leaving the states has been to pack-and with our limited luggage allowance, it has been a challenge. I assumed that with the countless times I have moved between home, college, and Camp Seafarer, I would have extensive enough packing experience under my belt to confidently make everything I needed to take and most of what I wanted to take all fit into my one medium-sized checked bag and one carry-on. However, yesterday I had a near breakdown of frustration from not being able to fit all of what I needed and none of what I wanted into my suitcase. I know, I know, even in fashion-conscious Italy you only need so many bright pink sweaters…but I had already cut out about a third of what I had intended to take and was still having trouble squishing the last few items onto the top of my bulging bag. The day was saved when we found another suitcase upstairs that is slightly wider and deeper than my own. I transferred everything into the bigger suitcase, fit it all perfectly and even had room to move some books from my carry-on into the suitcase (fingers crossed its under the weight limit). At this point I don’t care if my suitcase isn’t the “medium size” we’re supposed to bring, I am not sacrificing anything else. I’m going to be there for three and a half months! A girl has to have a variety of outfits...
Having finally gotten my material possessions in order, I can now move on to managing my emotions. There is a diagram in our Study Abroad Handbook titled “Cross-Cultural Transitions: An Emotional Roller Coaster” that outlines the expected emotions we will be feeling as study abroad students while at home, while abroad, and then back at home after studying abroad. The first phase is “anticipating departure” and shows an upward slope indicating excitement and enthusiasm before leaving the states. Either I haven’t gotten to that stage yet, or I’m doing it backwards. The past couple days for me have been full or nervousness and a little fear more than anything else, to tell you the truth. Being the child that has no problem being away from home, has been away from home for long stretches of time before, and who likes to consider herself fairly independent, it’s hard for me to admit having these emotions. I can only imagine how I’ll be feeling when I reach “The Plunge” and “Confronting Deeper Issues” sections of the emotional roller coaster….in all seriousness, though, I did not expect to be feeling this way quite so soon, if at all. Now don’t get me wrong, I am extremely excited, but the nervousness has started to settle in and I might be admitting to being a little scared right now. I mean, I am leaving the only home and country I have ever known. How cool is that?! But also how terrifying….
Currently, there is two inches of snow on the ground and sleet falling from the sky…it’s beautiful but I only hope that 1) I can make it to RDU tomorrow morning and 2) that even if I make it to RDU, my flight will not be cancelled. Pray that I may not be stuck at either airport in Raleigh or New York longer than necessary (my nerves will have already handled enough by that point), look for another blog post (with pictures!) in the near future, and hugs to all!
"What is the feeling when you're driving away from people, and they recede on the plain ‘til you see their specks dispersing? It's the too-huge world vaulting us, and its good-bye. But we lean forward to the next crazy venture beneath the skies."
With that, I am off to Italia!
ciao for now,Hilary
